Now what?
[in poetry]
All the people we looked up to,
in church, in school, at home,
they look different now—
the same,
but different
The same hair but thinner
The same body but more frail
The same smile, but more tired
Polos and trousers are now
replaced with hospital gowns
Bedrooms now hospital beds
Faces now riddled with breathing tubes
No one ever told me that
the mortality of life
will become so apparent;
such an every day reality
once you pass the threshold
of your youth.Your knees ache a little now
Your back and shoulders more strained
You need to watch what you eat now
Need to exercise more,
drink water more,
relax more
But more than seeing it in ourselves
We see it in the pillars of our lives—
our fathers and mothers,
once strong and capable, now limited
our uncles and aunties,
and school teachers,
your friends’ parents, your mentors,
even your next door neighbour
Birthdays are replaced with death anniversaries
Social media feeds riddled with
condolences and
“praying for you and your family”.
The transition of us replacing them
in this adult stage of this linear mortal life—
painful and confronting.I wasn’t prepared for this.
I have always planned for the future but this…
I didn’t think of this.
How could I have?
When you’re young and dreaming,
you plan for the height of your future—
your career, your love,
a future family, future friends,
a life to call your own—
your independence.
You never see past that.
Now that you’re here…
Now what?
You’ve gained your independence.
Welcome to your life.What about theirs?
Those who came before us?
In our attempt to hurry and grow up,
did we push them to this stage,
this seemingly
normal
end of life
stage?
I wish I revelled in the present more,
in my childhood more.
Played longer,
laughed harder,
hugged them tighter.
Maybe if I did,
they’d still be here.
Maybe if I did,
I wouldn’t have had to replace them so quickly.
Then they wouldn’t have had to leave life
so permanently.20.11.2024
Triggered by a social media post showing someone I grew up with—a friend of my dad’s, now gone, with my dad up there, in heaven.
My mum and dad, in their younger years, exploring a cave in the northern mountains of the Philippines.