In that moment, we were infinite
There is a place a remember tonight.
Moments flash in my head; a montage of memories—lovers whispering underneath the twinkling lights of a foreign city, two people laughing and jaywalking as they made their way to the nearest pub, you lifting me up in the middle of the street way past midnight as the city sleeps, smiling as you quietly said, "You're so beautiful."
We were fleeting but that moment was infinite.
You fall in love with places that hold the most meaning.
It was 2013. The previous year had been tough on my heart so when the new year came along, I decided I wanted to escape.
Singapore, in its towering skyscrapers and seemingly cold urban exterior, opened its arms for me. As I walked into the empty hostel lounge, I realised this was my first time being completely alone, and in a different country. I watched as traveler after traveler sat down on the lounge chairs surrounded by teddy bears big and small. Every night, there is a new girl setting her bags down in my female dorm, fumbling with the locker doors and sliding their bed curtains for some privacy and much needed rest.
Over the next three weeks, the hostel lounge will see different weary-eyed travelers transiting in and out, except for a group of four—a Brazilian guy, a Finnish girl, an American guy, and a Filipina. They will constantly be found playing cards, making pillow forts, and laughing until late night and someone decides they’re too sleepy to continue their daily antics. Sometimes, they will be found walking along the streets of Chinatown eating, chatting about their lives back home, and their dreams for the future. Long stays like them usually make friends with the people running the hostel, chatting with them before the morning rush of people wanting to have breakfast comes in.
On one of the busy mornings, I noticed a lone guy sitting on the corner, his laptop in front of him. I did not know then that his memory will become a landmark of my time in Singapore.
What was I looking for back then? I think I was looking to be affirmed—that I could be more, that I could achieve more. For years I’ve only been in two long term relationships, both of which ended on a sour note, leaving me with a feeling of not being enough.
Back then, all I wanted was to be seen.
Singapore’s total land area is only about 734 square kms, just 0.3% the size of the UK. It could literally fit into Australia more than 10,000 times. In this tiny country, my world became bigger. It was the first time I felt truly seen.
I only stayed in Singapore for a month but it felt like an entire year. It was the first time I never had to worry about what time I was going home; the first time my eyes were opened to other cultures through travelers I have met, some of whom are still my friends today. Every time I remember that time, I’m reminded of the friends I hung out with in that hostel lounge, the walks I have done just staring at the vertical gardens and futuristic architecture, the delicious food I tried that I have never even heard of, and that lone guy in the corner who showed me how big the world can be, that there is possibility everywhere, and that I am beautiful.
After that month, I went back to the Philippines where the same drama I tried to escape from lasted another year until I was finally rid of it. But that Filipina who had a taste of freedom in Singapore never really left. In fact, it stayed with me and expanded my desire to see more and be more.
Who knew such a short time in a new place could be such a pivotal moment in someone’s life?
