Leeks, Olivia Dean, and the art of unreading books
A random life update no one asked for.
I’ve initially scheduled something to go out tonight but when I woke up early this morning, I realised I have been writing on here without a proper introduction, really. Although what I intend to do now is not an introduction as to who I am and why I’m here, but more how has my life been so far. I must admit that sometimes, when I’m overriden with life and my creativity isn’t just quite there, I scour through my Notes app, looking for something I’ve written in the past that I may or may not remember to have written, and publish it to bring it back to light. You wouldn’t believe how many I have lying around, if I just scroll back far enough.
This morning, however, I felt overcome by a need to be a bit more chatty, to somehow audit my life and do it in a public way. So as I sit here on the couch at 7am, the morning light not yet fully on blast (I think it’s going to be a dreary day today), let me fill you in on has been filling my days.
Igniting the teen in me and my love for Olivia Dean
I don’t listen to music as often as I did before. I think it’s mostly due to the fact that I like listening to music while in transit, and seeing that I work from home majority of the time, there’s not a lot of transit happening. Sure, there’s the occasional listening to music while cleaning or cooking, but it’s not as substantial as looking out the window of a train and feeling emotions from a song as the scenery speeds past. My listen time in Spotify wrapped throughout the years have declined. I have, however, been in love with Olivia Dean’s music. I love Man I Need and Let Alone The One You Love but have you listened to I’ve Seen It?? I’ve actually been meaning to write something about her and how her songs make me feel. Also, after watching the Netflix show, Building the Band, I’ve become obsessed with Midnight Til Morning. I think I was lacking that fangirl feeling over a boy band in a long time. Sometimes, all a 37 year old lady wants is to feel like a teenager again.
Leeks are my new favourite thing
I’ve been cooking at home a lot—planning dinners and grocery runs so I can anticipate what food our family’s having. That might be a normal thing for most families but for someone who grew up not having to do that at all, it’s a massive achievement. I’ve been doing it for years now but remembering that makes me realise how far I’ve come. The best one I’ve cooked recently was this creamy smoked salmon rigatoni dish. It had leeks in it and it was my first time to have it. Who knew they were that delicious?
I realised that no one was forcing me to read books I don’t want to read
Trying to cut down on my doomscrolling continous to be a struggle for me so I’ve tried to dedicate my early mornings to reading and writing. I’ve read a couple of average books lately. The best one though was Heidi by Johanna Spyri. It’s just this feel good, cozy story that made me smile the entire time I was reading it. I love books that make me feel warm inside.
There is a Japanese word for accumulating unread books: Tsundoku ((積ん読). Lately I’ve been trying to plow through the unread books in my book shelf. While it’s validating that a lot of people do it, I think there’s a part of me—the perfectionist part—that wants to tick all the boxes, to read them all before buying new ones. I’ve come across a few that I’ve struggled to finish. It was halfway through A Christmas Carol when I came across a thought pattern that challenged my need to read all of my unread books and changed the way I think about reading. Why do we force ourselves to read something for the sake of completion? So what if you don’t get to finish a book? Shouldn’t we be reading something that we enjoy? Now that the days of assigned reading in school is long gone, we have free will to totally abandon a book if it’s not doing anything for you. So tsundoku was back and Mr Scrooge went back into my shelf. Maybe someday it will be an easy read for me, but for now—bah humbug and good riddance!
Intentionality over idealism when it comes to a sustainable life
It’s been a few years since I got introduced to a sustainable and intentional life. Since then, the terms have grown more mainstream, often resulting in either an all-or-nothing mindset or is totally greenwashed and abused, as is always the case in this society we live in. Lately I’ve had to constantly check what it really means for me because ultimately, I think it’s a personal experience. Minimalism, too. What does it mean for me and how can I apply it in my life that’s sustainable and not too idealistic? It’s a lengthier discussion for another day but suffice it to say, I think I’m happy with where I’m at, at the moment. At the end of the day, awareness and intetionality is key. We cannot completely escape our capitalist world simply because we still live in it. It’s the little changes we do that matter—swapping out toxic cleaning products with natural ones, assessing our wardrobe from time to time and figuring out would have more use throughout the year rather than buying every season, and being more considered with our purchases.
I’m still me—growing and constantly dreaming
At the risk of making this longer than I intended for it to be, I think I should stop somewhere here. I’ve become so used to my day-to-day routine that sometimes I need to take a proper moment to pause so I can realise and remember how much I’ve come so far. I’ve only been in Australia for almost 9 years. Other people might think that’s long, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s ultimately so short. In that time, I’ve acclimatised so much that friends back in the Philippines tell me I’ve got an Aussie accent already (I don’t really know about that, to be honest), I’ve made a home for myself here, got a good paying job, found love, and most importantly, was now able to bring my daughter here in who, also, have acclimatised already and is continually building a life of her own. I have to constantly remind myself of my journey so I don’t forget, and how sometimes, I feel like I’m not the girl I used to be anymore, but also at my core, still the same.
I still miss my life in the Philippines—particularly my friends (oh the intense laughter I do when I’m there!) and my family, but I’m utterly grateful for the life I’m now living. There are still dreams, yes—maybe bigger ones, but that’s all part of it, isn’t it? I don’t think I can ever be myself without dreaming. Life would become so boring if there isn’t something to look forward to.
